Lullaby and Good Night

If I had a dollar for every time I've said, "I'm so tired," in the last five years, I could have retired, (and maybe have gotten some sleep.) I've felt old and guilty and powerless over this constant dragging about. I've blamed diet, stress and sheer laziness, telling anyone who'd listen that when I come home from working all day, all I want to do is fall down on the couch and descend into a vegetative state. Complaining to my family doctor, he sent me for a sleep study. I was referred last August, got a call in October, went for the overnight ordeal on Boxing Day and got results the beginning of April. Meanwhile...you guess it - tired!  All this to find out that I have sleep apnea. How in the world did this happen?

The Dreaded "Darth Vader" mask

Upon hearing the diagnosis of "moderate to severe," and reading the doctor's notes to discover that I've been waking up as many as 67 times in an hour, I felt giddy with relief that no, I'm not crazy, and no, I am not lazy. I AM tired because I don't sleep well. I'm not an indolent slug. I just don't breathe well when I lay down. After my giddy relief subsided, reality set in.  I now have to wear a sleeping contraption. A heated hose stuck to a mask, bound about my head with my nose and mouth sealed in tightly. They estimate a full month to adjust to such and then alas....another sleep study.

I am trying to keep grateful....for the technology that might keep me from having a coronary or a stroke or high blood pressure. Technology that may actually help me to sleep. (It hasn't yet.) Even a major weight loss won't help much, I've been told, so it's time to (literally) suck it up!

Hopefully, next time you see me I'll be well rested, clear-thinking, brimming with creative surges and smiling!  Psalm 4:8 says, "In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD,  make me dwell in safety."  Thanks, Lord for your peace!